***J’s Journal is an open diary. I share random thoughts on the different aspects of my life - love, work, and society. Most stories are inspired by my personal experiences or those of my loved ones. Just like the way you would write notes in your journal, I do not plan on respecting every grammatical rule. So, excuse my informal writing!***
“You cannot be someone’s half if you are not whole,” she said to her daughter. In other words, you should find yourself first before trying to bring someone else into your life. From a general standpoint, becoming whole could mean loving yourself enough, not begging, and not seeking validation. My basic definition of the term is knowing who I am, what I like/dislike, and where or who I eventually see myself (with). Can we start that self-discovery journey while being in a relationship, or should it be done alone?
Becoming whole calls for self-accountability. Maybe some people can go alone on that journey, but others will still need their partners to hold them accountable. There are lessons to take from every relationship or dating situation, aka “situationship.” The goal should not be to prove who is wrong or right but to eventually resolve the issue(s). If you are in a relationship, you should consider yourself as part of a team because teammates do not tear each other down. Au contraire, they need to figure out what’s troubling their peace.
Often, both sides are guilty of blaming each other. For instance, it’s always - “you could have done this, so we won’t be in this situation.” Is that a lack of maturity or experience? Anyway, I am convinced they would possibly get to a better place if they asked themselves what brought them to that situation. Most of the time, it seems more like a miscommunication. Partners assume that their other halves know exactly what they want.
The fact that we all do not often have the maturity to act as teammates in relationships should be the ultimate reason why we need to individually find ourselves before inviting someone into our lives. I do not think partners can always see eye to eye, but one should be willing to be the bigger person. This does not mean avoiding all confrontations because discussing something that truly bothers you is somehow healthier than brushing it off. Hence, the reason why It is important to find balance as a couple. Not everything is worth debating on, but definitely do not hold back because it can lead to resentment and frustration.
Overall, I believe becoming whole before starting a relationship is first and foremost beneficial to an individual. It is empowering in the sense that the individual does not lose themself trying to please their other half. Being in a relationship should not be the reason why we do not know, or simply forget who we are.
I always say that I do not wanna be known just because I am someone’s partner. I am ME - a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a friend, a businesswoman… and to that, I will add being a partner to someone. That way of thinking always helps me stay true to myself. It does not mean I am belittling my relationship status, but I want my partner to always remember that I had a life before him and I will always do.
I enjoyed writing this article and I hope you’ll enjoy reading too. Please feel free to send me your comment. I will be thrilled to know what you think. Stay blessed!