***J’s Journal is an open diary. I share random thoughts on the different aspects of my life - love, work, and society. Most stories are inspired by my personal experiences or those of my loved ones. Just like the way you would write notes in your journal, I do not plan on respecting every grammatical rule. So, excuse my informal writing!***
Ladies!?! ...I do not mean to leave you out of this topic gentlemen, but you may want to chill and take notes. LOL, just kidding!... Shall we start?
If you have ever been labeled as a feminist, a hardheaded woman, a prideful woman, or a self-sufficient woman, then keep reading because you may probably relate. First of all, this is not a war of genders but just an expression of feelings. What do I mean by that? I have always heard the adjectives/terms above from men. So, I guess I am writing this as a response.
Second of all - I advocate for economic, political, and social equality between women and men. I believe women are as capable as men, but most importantly, I firmly believe that we complement each other. We are different in many ways and we add to each other's beauty. Thus, there is no need for a contest, right? However, this still is not the goal of the article. I just felt it was quite important to start there.
What is it like needing him? In other words, what is it like needing a man? I see you coming with the daddy issues, and no, my guardian angel was a lovely, caring, and deeply appreciated father. I lost him at an early stage of my life, but I also have other manly figures - brother/cousins/uncles. Therefore, I honestly do not think that’s the root of this “issue.” Why did it get to be an issue though? I do not know but apparently, men do not really like a prideful, self-sufficient woman.
How do I know? Well, I am writing based on personal stories. Remember? …One day, I was told:
Jamila, I appreciate the woman you are. You are a hardworking person. I learned to know you and realized that you are a fighter - A woman who is always about her bags and do not depend on a man. However, I am going to share this as a friend and not the man who is pursuing you. - Men want women who need them. It’s cool that you do not wait for a man to do things for you, but you should be less guarded.
Was I frustrated or mad? No. I always welcome constructive criticism and I can definitely sense it when someone is just trying to outsmart me. However, it was not the first time a man was saying something similar, like why I do not accept their gifts. And let me get this out of the way, it is not about playing games/hard to get. I believe it is just a way to protect myself and I admit the fact I never met a man who made me “need” him for anything!
One more time, the men of my family are excluded from the generalization because I am talking about my dating life… Honestly, I love a gentleman who takes his time with me. Someone who genuinely learns to know me well and will offer without questioning me ten thousand times. For instance - Hey babe, I saw this and it made me think of you. It will look great!... Instead of - Do you like that bracelet? You can take it if you want to.
For some people, that previous paragraph may not make any sense and it is okay because we have different views. I respect that! …Luckily, I met people who share my views and that’s probably what motivated me to talk about the topic. All jokes aside, I believe it is not what you say, but how you say it. Men - please know this, emotionally intelligent women can absolutely feel if your intentions are pure or not. I highly dislike a man who is trying to test me with his wallet.
No, I do not own gold utensils or diamond jewelry, but I work hard for everything that I want. I am not waiting for a man to come save me. Sure, I appreciate a nice, genuine gesture, but you need more than that to have or keep me, dear. Is it pride? I do not think so, but there is no right or wrong answer. Also, I have learned that a man who always gives you, will one day ask for something in exchange, just be ready to cater to his needs. If that’s not part of your plans then be careful about what you accept because most of the time, those gifts are not 100% free.
Yes, I believe there are good men out there. Those who just love you for who you are and do not judge or trick you. I mean the unicorns, lol! There are not many of them, but they exist. It is just like, looking for a needle in a pile of hay. So ladies, let’s not rush or get discouraged! On the other hand, I will briefly talk about men who have been hurt and still decide to love unconditionally. In the name of all women, we truly appreciate you, kings. I admit, we - women, are kind of difficult to satisfy but know that your life won’t be complicated when you meet the right one.
Another main reason why I am reluctant to accept gifts or favors from men is very personal and I doubt someone else can relate. However, I feel comfortable enough to share. - I am the youngest of three and I have been the youngest of all my cousins for quite some time. Thus, I have been very protected - almost overprotected, lol. And, the reason why I tend to obsess about being independent is that I want to prove I am grown and I am capable.
After careful reflection, I am not only reluctant toward men but my own family members. So if we ever dated and I turned down your offers/gifts - my bad, babe! Lol, I am a work in progress and I fully embrace it now. I was not in denial but I have been looking for the pieces of the puzzle. It finally makes sense and I am proud of the progress. Do I regret how I acted before? Not really! Because, I learned to know better myself, as a person, and my abilities.
As promised, this article is some sort of self-disclosure but not a battle of genders. I hope you will all enjoy reading it as much as I felt liberated sharing my views and feelings. Feel free to tell me what you think! I will be thrilled to read your personal thoughts and stories.